:::: The Arse-ness of the Drama King ::::

I’ve been feeling like shit lately and being with my current friends kills me more… the feeling of guilt, disappointment and agony of realizing the mistakes I’ve done towards my friends makes me feel like loathing myself till death do me part… I’ve made a list that ranked my friends in numbers, that’s very discriminative of me; I have kutuk-ed my friend in a blog, that’s feud-ish, why don’t I publish it in a newspaper? Gosh, I am such an ass aren’t I? Nowadays anything I do is all wrong and I’m getting fuckin’ stressed up by myself… the dreams that showed me killing myself in various ways is increasing in numbers, in the same time my dreams of me getting married to a woman without face and dreams of being in a gay relationship is certainly NOT helping… the greatest guilt comes from me, reading my friend’s blog, a friend that I’ve ranked 15 on my current list, I feel so bad doin that to him you know, and reading his blog bout his friends which, included me at the same time tears my heart away… I felt so much like an ass and I hate myself now… you know, I am someone that is very weak spirited, and I’m not surprised I you hear people talking bout me, saying that I killed myself… that is if my suicide is talked about, because I’m a jerk and I hate myself and I can’t deal with this world anymore… someone please, make me realize that I can still see sunshine the next day after I slept…